


you're the sky that i fell through

by sleepytimejared



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety, Autism, Autistic Jared, First Kiss, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I might continue this at some point, M/M, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, i feel like theres more i could write about regarding this au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-23 08:52:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6111400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepytimejared/pseuds/sleepytimejared
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>jared was having a rough day, a really, really rough day. but sure enough, as always in fictional tales like this, a beautiful boy comes and sweeps him up, and makes everything just that little bit easier to cope with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you're the sky that i fell through

**Author's Note:**

> \- warnings for homophobic/ableist slurs, as well as everything in the tags, please take care of yourselves okay?-

Jared was having a shitty day. Everything, from breakfast this morning to the assessment in Biology had gone about as wrong as it could have possibly gone. He had been on edge all day, he'd been irritatingly fidgety and his stomach was churning wildly. He had to get out, go home before everything bubbling in his chest boiled over.

Lunch was ok. Lunch, he could get through without too much of a problem, just sit in the library and read, calm the fuck down, and relax enough to get through one hour of algebra before he could escape to an empty house and go to sleep, forget this whole mess of a day ever even happened.

But, Jared was having a shitty day, and shitty days never go as planned.

When he made his stumbling way to the library, a pink post-it note was on the door with an apology, saying that the librarian had run into some 'personal issues' and that the library would be closed until next week. Ok, so that set him back on his feel a little. He could deal with that, though, no reason to freak out, just go to his next lesson, sit in there and read a book, everything's fine, right? Everything's fine.

He was repeating dumb shit like that right up until there was a bang, and suddenly he was up against a locker with an arm tight across his chest, and an angry face so close to his that he could smell their cheap weed and feel the puffs of breath they were letting out. He was pressing on Jared too hard, there was too much contact, too many things happening at once. His senses were spiking terrifyingly high and he just wanted to scream, tear at his skin and run until he couldn't feel anything anymore.

"So, you're the retarded pussy fag everyone's talking about."

Jared struggled, kicking out with a whimper. "Lemme go." His mind was shutting down, going into fight or flight mode, he needed to get away, he was going to lose it if he couldn't get away. 

Blinking back tears with a gasp, Jared struggled again, helpless to this stupid footballers strength. The guy just grinned, sweat glistening on his face, blond hair plastered to his forehead and his football kit slung on a bag over his shoulder.

"Nah, fags like you don't deserve to walk around, what if you start looking at my ass or something?"

It was the same shit he's heard a thousand times before, it didn't even make literary sense, but Jared throat closed up, and his eyes were wet and _fuckshitfuck_ he couldn't fucking breath. It was too much, too fucking much.

With one last half hearted attempt at a kick, he caught the footballer at a weak point and managed to slip under his arm and make a break for it before the guy even knew what had happened.

He heard footballer yell, "Fucking faggot!" After him, but no footsteps followed, which meant he'd been let off easy today.

With gasp of air, and a choked sob, he rounded the corner and didn't stop running until he stumbled into the boys restroom and collapsed in one of the changing cubicles, too panicked to even think about locking the door.

His whole body was closing in on itself, chest and throat constricting, hands trembling and his face crumpling as quiet, breathless sobs escaped his lips and sat heavy in the empty room. The only air he got was in the form desperate, short gasps of breath between each cry.

Jared let out a high whining noise, his hands were flapping wildly and every now and then, his wrist would hit the wall and the pain blossoming helped to soothe him a little. In the end he stopped flapping and just started hitting his arms against the tiles on the bathroom wall, yelping at the pain but not being able to stop himself from doing it again.

"Hello? Someone there?" A gentle voice cut through the empty room.

 _Fuck_ _._ Jared tensed, trying to stay quiet, but his body betrayed him and he drew in a gasp of breath, followed by a cry that he'd managed to quieten to a desperate whine. He cursed himself and hit the wall again, barely able to hold back his scream.

"Woah, hey, you okay?" The door to his cubicle swung open and a stranger appeared. A guy about his height, with freckles and _lips_ and round, soft eyes.

The guy took one look at Jared and jolted into worry mode, he was on his knees in a second, grabbing both of Jared's arms in one strong hand and pulling them away from the wall, desperate to stop him from injuring himself.  Jared let out another high pitched noise before he started sobbing again, pulling his arms from the other boys grip and starting up the flapping again, desperate for his stim toys that he'd left in his locker.

 Jensen looked panicked for a second, unsure of what to do before he took a deep breath, putting a hand on Jared's shoulder cautiously.

Jared flinched for a second, then relaxed into the touch, letting it sooth him slightly, distract him from his too-tight skin and the rub of his clothes against him.

"Hey, I'm Jensen, you're Jared right?" And of _course_ he would know Jared, practically the whole school did. The gay, autistic junior. He'd made quite a name for himself in the years he'd been at this godforsaken school, and definitely not in a good way.

"I dont know what's wrong, but I'm gonna need you to breathe for me, yeah? Everything's gonna be okay, I'm here now, but you need to breathe. Nice and slow."

Jared let out a gasping sob, and Jensen's clamped down more firmly on his shoulder, thumb rubbing in soothing circles. 

"Jared, deep breaths, you're gonna be okay, but you need to breathe, man."

When Jared's panic didn't seem to let up at all, Jensen cursed and slung the boy's arm around his shoulder, standing them both up. "We're not gonna do any good on a dirty ass restroom floor, c'mon, lets go get some fresh air, buddy."

Jensen was being so _nice._ Jared didn't understand it, not at all. No one was ever nice to him here, they either ignored him completely, or treated him like shit. He wasn't used to any of this and, christ, he knew Jensen was trying to help him, but his unfamiliar behaviour just put Jared on edge. He seemed nice enough, but Jared knew better than to trust him, to trust anyone around here. 

However, his lack of breath and trembling body had left him incapacitated, no choice but to lean further into Jensen as he guided him through the corridors, up a long set of stairs, and out into the open. Jared barely registered where they were going, or what was happening, too caught up in his racing head and the crushing tightness of his lungs.

A second of real conciousness told Jared that they were on the rooftop garden. No one ever came here, except Jared - and, apparently, Jensen - it was his safe place, one place he could be alone and relax without nerves wracking him constantly. It got a little easier to breathe when the fresh, spring air hit him, filling his lungs. Jensen helped him onto a bench, and when he let go with a murmer of "Relax." Jared closed his eyes and let the world outside his wild head slip away. 

He focused on his senses, something his therapist had told him to do during attacks like these - focused on what he could smell and hear and feel around him. 

It was pretty quiet outside, only the sound of the wind whistling softly and the school kids yelling and screaming somewhere far away. He could smell some kind of soft sweetness, flowers, maybe? Combined with the musky scent of whatever cologne Jensen had been wearing. The smooth wood of the bench felt good beneath his fingertips, he occasionally dipped into the slats between each plank, startling him for a short moment before he was touching more wood.

Surely enough, Jared felt his anxiety slipping away, he could breath again, and his head wasn't spinning with wild, terrifying thoughts. He was still crying, though, tears still wetting his cheeks, so he kept going. He didn't stop touching and smelling and listening until his fingers brushed something other than wood, something soft and warm, but he didn't know what. Jared flinched back, and his eyes flicked open. 

The first thing he saw was Jensen who, ok, fuck, looked amazing in the soft glow of sunlight. He was sat sideways on the bench, facing Jared, one leg up and leaning against the bench back, the other swinging to and fro beneath him. The pose was so natural but Jensen made it look like he was at a model shoot. His already-tanned skin was practically glowing, freckles standing out. He was biting his lower lip, making it red and spit-wet and oh so kissable. Jared didn't want to make eye contact with the boy, hated eye contact so much, especially after times like these, but he couldn't help staring for just a moment into the warm depths of green, worry and reassurance was all he could find there.

When he looked down to where his hand had touched, he was expecting to see a leaf, or a flower petal, anything like that; instead, Jensen's hand was there, upturned and held loosely. It wasn't a natural position, which meant that... He had meant to put it there? Jared was confused. Why would he want Jared touching his hand, wasn't that a little weird. They didn't even know eachother.

Jensen saw the way Jared was looking at his open hand and blushed bright red, closing his fist and putting it back by his side. "Sorry... Uh, hey, you feeling a little better now?"

Jared didn't understand much about feelings and interaction, but even he could feel the awkwardness that was in the air around them now. Only, he didn't understand why it was there, what he'd done to make Jensen feel awkward, and that made him anxious. He dropped his head and fiddled with his fingers, sniffing and shrugging with a bite of his lip.

Jensen picked up on his anxiety and sat forward, both feet now firmly on the ground as he put his hand on Jareds shoulder. "Hey, Jay, you ok?"

Jensen didn't relax again until Jared nodded, staring straight at Jensen's chest and biting his lip. He flapped his hands a little, then pressed his thumb to his palm, letting the nail dig in and focusing on the stinging pain that came with it, willing away the panic that was building up again. 

"Hey, hey, Jared, don't do that." Jensen gently took Jared's hands in his, but his hold was firm, insistent, making sure Jared knew he wasn't letting go. "Don't hurt yourself like that."

Jared squited his eyes and turned his head to the side, confused, eyes flicking between Jensen's face and his hands, where he held him tight. "Why not?"

The look of shock on Jensen's face just confused him even more, what had he said wrong? Don't get him wrong, he knew that real self harm was bad, when people cut and burned themselves, but what he did wasn't as bad as that, not at all. He just had to feel something to pull him away from the anxiety, to stop him from feeling like his skin was too tight and his throat wasn't working right.

"Shit, man, you shouldn't hurt yourself, there's gotta be other ways of coping with this. Self harm is serious, no matter how bad you're doing it." Jensen touched the purple bruises on Jared's wrist with gentle fingers. "You..." His voice had softened, he sounded sad, which upset Jared in turn. "You deserve better than this."

When Jensen surged forward and kissed Jared, it was more than unexpected. Despite that, though, Jared found that he definitely liked the feeling of the boy's soft, full lips against his own, and he definitely wanted to feel more of it. He went to kiss Jensen back, but, before he had the chance, Jensen had pulled back, eyes wide in an expression Jared couldn't fully understand. It was anxiousness, he thought, but it could've been anything.

"Shit, uh, Jared, I'm so sorry, fuck." Ok, definitely anxiety, Jensen seemed to be freaking out but... over what? Jared was ok, wasn't he? He hadn't done anything wrong, hadn't even moved.

"Why are you sorry? I liked it." Jared states plainly, plucking up the courage to meet Jensen's eyes for a short amount of time, his therapist told him that helps people know he isn't lying, which he used to do a lot.

"Wait... Really? That, uh, was okay with you?" Jensen seemed confused now, and, ok, there was far too much misunderstanding going on here.

Jared despised the few hours after a bad episode, his head was always all fuzzy and messed up and he couldn't think straight. The most simple things confused him in times like those, it made him feel like a child. 

"Yeah, I, uh, I definitely liked it. It was nice." Jared felt his cheeks heat up, embarrassment, right? Why was he feeling embarrassed? He didn't get it.

He couldn't think for long though, because suddenly, he and Jensen were kissing again, and this time, Jared had time to kiss back.

Jensens lips were warm and soft, the way he gently cupped Jared's face  made his belly feel warm and tingles run him and down his spine. It was a new sensation, unfamiliar, but Jared decided he liked this one, and definitely wanted to feel it some more.

When they pulled apart again, he told Jensen just that, and was delighted when Jensen smiled widely, his entire face was soft, represented all the kinds of warmth and fondness and happiness that Jared loved seeing on people. He loved it even more on Jensen, though.

"I'd... I'd like to feel it some more, too, Jared."

And, well, that was that. He reached one finger out and tucked a long piece of Jareds hair behind his ear. Jared usually didn't like that, his hair behind his ear, but for Jensen, he could live with it.

The more he thought about it, the more he thought that; yeah, having Jensen around was definitely something he could live with.

**Author's Note:**

> ahh i hope you enjoyed!!  
> comments and kudos are always really, really appreciated and make me smile a whole bunch :)


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